I’ve been feeling quite unmotivated and quite stuck for a while now. The end of last year marked both the end and the beginning of a lot for me; it was the end of my time at the school, which meant the end of a lot of friendships, but it was the beginning of university and adulthood and all the joys that were presented with that. I thought I was going to be fine.
The end of the year was fine, at first; however, the beginning of the new year meant a lot was changing, and I am not so adept at handling change well. University was beginning and while it was exciting, it was also a hugely different to any kind of learning I’d ever experienced before and, as a rather socially awkward person, I was terrified at having to start anew; I would have to make all new friends and I would have to learn to do everything on my own, at least for a little while.
Making friends was something I found extremely challenging in a university environment; social groups didn’t naturally form as they did at school and I was not confident enough to make connections on my own.
At the same time that all these changes were occurring I was struggling with some personal issues; I began to really hate my job, I found there was an increasingly growing distance between myself and my friends and there were other, more distressing and more private matters happening in the foreground of my life.
My 2017 seemed to get worse and worse as it progressed, I had some good times, absolutely I did, but the stress of the year was still prominent and, as a result, I became a much more irritable person and my hair started to fall out.
Now, I don’t want this post to be one giant whinge about how my year hasn’t been great, that isn’t my intention, but I think it’s important to understand what has happened before I begin this next part. My year was pretty crap, there’s really no other way to say it. BUT, it got better.
Towards the last quarter of the year a couple of my personal issues were resolved, I found some steady friends, and I managed to land myself one amazing guy. There’s still parts of my life that are crappy at the moment, but, my point is, you can’t let the crappy stuff be the only stuff. For the miserable part of my year I was so focused on the negative that I forgot to search out the positive; it was only when I stepped away from all the stress and the worry and forced it out of my mind that I found where my happiness was again.
Life is never easy. Life will never be easy. But you can’t focus on everything that makes you upset. It’s difficult to do, believe me I know, but forcing yourself to stop worrying, to stop trying the change things that are, ultimately, out of your control, makes everything so much better than you ever thought it could be.
My year wasn’t great, but now, since I’ve stopped concerning myself with things that are, quite frankly, out of my control, my year has become great. I am suddenly excited about life again, I have some of my motivation back, and I no longer fear change as much as I did. I suppose that’s why I’ve chosen now to make my return to my blog; I can finally write it as I want it to be written: contently.